Could it really be you? Hmm...I'm skeptical, but I'll explain myself first so that if it is you, you'll know it's me...

It all started one night when I was fourteen and I dreamed of you. You were wonderful! I didn’t see you, but I experienced you. We connected, not physically, but rather we reached each other’s core – our souls. It was absolutely amazing, yet it’s plagued me for twenty-nine years. It was such a simple dream, but that was the beauty of it. Rest assured though, the dream is still alive.

During the rest of high school I was too caught up in my family to be able to look for you, I’m sure you’ll understand.

When I was in Berkeley for college I flatly refused to find you because I wanted to focus on my studies, but I’m pretty sure you weren’t there. There was a time that I thought someone was you in a coffee shop on Bancroft, but she just ended up being a good study partner.

Then there was the time that I was CONVINCED I found you in Cairo after college. Again, no, and that was a ten-year debacle, but I own it; Yes, I settled and let someone dissuade me, but the product of it is great. I hope you’ll meet them one day, and I know you’ll accept them with open arms and agree that I’ve done a wonderful job as a father. And if you've been blessed and are a mother, you can rest assured I'll do the same. Regardless, I think we both agree that we want one together.

In the years that passed I spent quite a bit of time alone getting my mind and body healthy again. I traveled, saw the world, and experienced a lot by myself. However, it took me a bit of time to realize that all I was doing was bringing myself back to the point of being able to accept that you're still out there.

I do confess though, during that period, I innocently fell away again two more times, but not too seriously. They were nice souls, but I soon found out they were not you. I hope it didn’t hurt them too much, they seemed upset, but you can’t fake love or manufacture chemistry.

But seriously, have aliens abducted you? Maybe you died in an adventure we were bound to go on together in some crazy South American country? I don’t think so though, you’re strong and smart. Maybe it’s my fault because I’ve bounced around this country too much and, as we all know, it’s hard to hit a moving target.

Anyway, I miss you and I haven’t given up.

I’m kidding of course. Actually, probably not. Well, hmm, yeah I don't think I am. Regardless, I don't think this is the medium upon which we’re meant to find each other, but I will keep trying even if it means that I will end up a 'black fly on a window sill.'